On the 8th Day

                                                               

                                                                      On the 8^th Day

From the moment I stood in the room alone with my dad’s spiritless body, the cadence of time accelerated with a rapidity that compressed days into hours, and hours into moments that just allowed me to grab the sustenance I needed to greet the cascade of mourners and well-wishers.  In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, I was fatherless and the son of a widow. For the first time in my life, the epistemology of son ship had to be revisited.  Existentially, I am still the son of my father but the veil of death has given me pause; a new permanent tense to address fatherhood-he was.

The seven days, the 168 hours, the confluence of planning, meeting, calling, cancelling, notifying, buying, untying, discarding, undoing gives you an illusion of subduing the stillness.  All of the accoutrements that are tagged to my father are now on static display, frozen in time, never to be held, directed, worn or guided by his savvy, insight and wisdom.  Death, the stranger that we will all be introduced to has interjected a dissonance that is disruptive and cohesive. My siblings and I have marshaled our time and resources to protect our mother for her gradation of pain would be the most intense of the three of us. At times I would see the erudite, seasoned world traveler morph into the fragile, devastated teenager mourning the loss of her first love, her heartbeat, her Boaz.

No one told me that the little boy in me would grieve the loss of the first real-life superhero he ever knew and emotions would vacillate between the present father, son, and husband to the lost little boy who does not know how to mourn the immortal.  Psalm 91:1, 2 became my solace.  It states, “He that dwells in the secret place of the most High, shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty, I will say to the Lord He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in Him will I trust.”

We are given the feast of kings for consecutive days and invite all those that provide to also partake. Mi familia is now more than ever the body of Christ manifest through kindness; the aroma of the fruit of the spirit effervesces throughout my parents’ home.  The staccato of the phone punctuates the robust conversations filling every room in the foyer, den and kitchen. Day becomes evening, evening becomes night and mornings roll out like the baker’s bread. Alas, the close of this eternity where we will see for the first time since I prayed over my father’s body, him lying in repose, the last of the things he occupied on static display.

The unfettered presence of God is beyond the reason, understanding and comprehension of our finite minds yet a part of you wants the spirit of your loved one to repopulate the body they left behind and give you one more moment in time. But the magnificence articulated in scripture makes it clear that even the compounded love of everyone in this chapel has no order of magnitude to compare with the love of God that my father experienced the moment he transitioned.  So, we anguish and celebrate simultaneously. He looks peaceful, without pain, discomfort or anguish. My father has ascended into the bosom of Jesus, the one he ultimately lived for.

The celebration of his life required a certain comportment, restraint, dignity.  The temple filled with rapturous sounds from choirs that shook the rafters with powerful melodies, hymns and songs. The cavernous hole seemed to begin to fill somewhat with the exuberance of the service, an event my father would have enjoyed especially with the overwhelming turn out of family, friends and acquaintances.  Our words were heartfelt, hilarious and touching. The pastor delivered what was most important to my father, the word of God and the honors at his internment were powerful and awash in respect.  This celebration bolstered our spirits through the remainder of the evening and allowed us to reunite with decades-old friends. The chapter closed at midnight and the advent of the eighth day would have to be in part fueled by the residue of the previous week.  The presence of my father filled the home that was now to be singularly occupied by his bride of 57 years. It is now that Abba father, Daddy God, begins to provide the comfort, the peace, the strength to do more than muster for the day.  To greet each new moment of each day with a verve and energy that He alone can provide in abundance.  Our new normal is predicated on an attempt to navigate without the patriarch that provided stability, guidance, humor and comfort. He is faithful to give us what we need.