Don't Start Something You Can't Finish
                                                   ( A letter to young men)



I was recently listening to a broadcast featuring a panel of men that I have known for years and deeply respect.  A statement struck me as my car sped down the canopied road I was traveling.  The panelist said, "don't start something you can't finish.'  This phrase can have many applications; business, sports, personal goals and ambitions.  Somehow, in the context of the narrative being discussed on the radio, what came to mind was this phrase seductively pouring from the lips of a woman in response to the not so subtle amorous or sexual advances of a man.

I don't think it unreasonable to assume that as your brain undergoes a chemical bath ( you get all tingley inside as Major Payne would say) to stir arousal and you are hypnotized by the magnificence of the woman you are fixated on- that the idea of fatherhood possibly creeps into that highly sexualized space. The here and now overrules the there and later. Even with your attempt to take precautions by " "wrapping it up" your decision to walk into the valley of the shadow of potential lifelong responsibility still  holds sway.

This act of your will is eternal and indelible. The social debate about when life starts is a wildly swinging pendulum. I will make it simple.  At the moment of conception, someone eternal(their spirit) is formed. Your genetic imprint is embedded into that life and the fate of this encounter, whether it be a one-night stand, a girlfriend or wifey material will change the course of your life.
 We are not taught and it is not widely understood that what a man creates he is required to sustain, provide for, develop. If you "don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind" yet are repelled at the thought of putting a ring on the finger of the woman of your affection or infection- hey, these are the times, you might want to flee the scene of a potential generational crime.

You don't want to aid and abet the possibility of your child not being given everything they need to be all that they were created to be.  Is this hyperbole?  Is this an attempt to make something so simple as smashing, rubbin' her the right way and trusting a big butt and a smile complicated?  I am borrowing from some songs of the 90s that glorified this love em and leave em mindset to illustrate that we have made the pursuit of momentary pleasure without telling the rest of the story a national pastime.  You may say, "pardner', ain't nobody got time for these grandma lectures!  But unlike anything else you invest your resources into; clothes, shoes, a car, a 401k, a home- planting your seed into a woman makes you responsible for a human life-God's highest form of creation.

Unlike all of the inanimate objects I named, all just stuff, that life that you helped ( ain't no more immaculate conceptions) bring forth will require an investment of your time, talent and resources for the rest of your days!  Of all the things men are raised to fantasize about being: superheros, sports stars, secret agent, race car drivers,war hero, I can't recall being a great father ever being part of the list.  The thing is, those other dreams are not necessarily within your control.  Being a great father, making your imprint on eternity, however, is within your grasp.  I realize that some of you reading this find these thoughts strange and completely disconnected from your reality.  Maybe you are the progeny of a man, who like you, was never shown how to be anything more than a sperm donor, a womanizer, or an in-and-out father.  You can break that cycle.  It starts well before you start entertaining the thought of being a husband and father....in that order.  You literally carry a nation inside of you.  Start giving thought to what that actually means.