The Religion of Sports



Two of the world's largest practiced religions have pilgrimages that reflect the sacrality of those that follow them.  For Muslims it's Mecca and for Christians it is Jerusalem.  While the United States markets itself as a Christian nation with everything from megachurches to 5 member storefronts, the single largest religious gathering in this protestant nation occurs ever year in either late January or early February-formally known as the Superbowl.

The cathedrals of this denomination are massive, city funded architectural marvels reminiscent of the temple of Solomon.  Your patronage ( tithes, offerings- read ticket price) determines how close you get to fellowship near the Holy of Holies, the resplendent artificial turf or natural grass in which the church leaders, I mean, football coaches and their disciples gather to sacrifice life and limb for a coveted touchdown followed by ecstatic shouts of glory by the congregation, I mean fans.  This sacrament is broadcast for the world to see and the fervor displayed by the attendees is something reminiscent of the day of Pentecost when the licks of fire appeared over the disciples' heads as evidence of the Holy Spirit's presence.

If you think about it, these secular pilgrims spend about as much time, same day of the week, as the religious folks in their respective places of worship.  If the sacred folks go each weekend for 2 hours( if you live below the Mason-Dixon line and are Pentecostal add at LEAST another hour) that 's approximately 104 hours a year gathered for worship/ fellowship.  NFLism, not to be confused with Pentecostalism or Methodism, is a hybrid of idol worship and pantheism, convenes for four months out of the year, 16 weekends at about four hours per gathering.  If you include the tailgating, a last supper if you will of  grilled beef, chicken and enormous amounts of adult libations before the worship service then the total amount of hours easily jumps to 192! ( 12 hours : 8 tailgating + 4 at the game X 16).

Unlike your conventional church service, the congregation is loud for the entire time they are gathered except for the national anthem ( kneeling is NOT an option). Offering is gathered online with a few industrious members (scalpers) offering "discounts" for those who chose not to render their first fruits the old-fashioned way.  The praise and worship dancers (cheerleaders) for these massive gatherings nix the frumpy stuff and hop around the sidelines, just near the inner courts, shaking what their "mama" or a skilled plastic surgeon gave them.  The fans root for what I like to call the disciples minus one.  Two teams of eleven men ( offense and defense) who themselves are deified through stats, ESPN highlights, jersey sales and for a select few, Hall of Fame induction as they defy the laws of physics with Herculean feats of strength, acrobatic catches and Olympic-caliber speed all the while possibly worrying if the compilation of their collisions will leave them with calcified deposits of plaque in their brain in the future.

You are inclined to hear quite a few congregants speaking in "tongues" ( read cuss) if their team begins to perform poorly and their consumption of spirits has gone beyond the FDA recommendations.  Unlike Mecca and Jerusalem, the Superbowl is transient with the host city feeling like it won a lottery to allow all of the family friendly and adult entertainment that accompany it to engorge its coffers with stacks of cash. You can see an equally commercialized but uncompensated disciple version of this fanfare at the NCAA football national championship which happens to now feature a program that folks in the state of Alabama would struggle to determine if their allegiance to it is greater than their local church!

So, don't get it twisted regarding what you will be watching this Sunday; a day that is a de facto national and religious holiday.  If you don't believe me, monitor the church attendance on Sunday if the Super Bowl happened to be broadcast around noon!  Dilly, dilly!